I’ve been practicing for a while to get my technique right but attempt #1 went pretty badly. The last time I checked the record was at 47 seconds and I stopped the clock as it went sailing past the minute marker. I felt that not only had I let everyone else down, but I’d let myself down. I’d done a Greg Louganis and that elusive world record just seemed miles away.

But last night I thought I’d give it a last go before hanging up my boots (crackers).

And I only went and bloomin did it! 46.27 seconds. Eat that Ambrose Mendy. In. Your. Face.

Ok. So it wasn’t under test conditions, I hadn’t got lab technicians in white coats timing it to the exact split second and I probably had a trailing wind behind me, but it’s the first time in this attempt that I’ve gone below 50 seconds!

I think I’ve found my magic formula and I will be making another attempt tonight just to make sure that it wasn’t a fluke (or the stopwatch app on my phone isn’t dodgy).

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After many months of waiting, my application to break the world record for eating cream crackers in the fastest possible time has been accepted. All I have to do now is fill in a form and the record attempt is on.

The rules are pretty simple, eat 3 Jacobs cream crackers as fast as you can. You must finish one before starting the other and you must have a man in a white lab coat with a clipboard to record the times.

The record stands at around 47 seconds (will update with the exact time later) and was set by someone called Ambrose Mendy a few years ago. From previous experience and training, this is definitely beat-able – at my peak I was down to 15 seconds each so I’ve got a 2 second window to play with.

There was suggestion in the office today that I could try bananas again, but even if I were to set that record, I’d be thinking of cream crackers, it really is the creme-de-la-creme of the eating record world.

With a lot of effort and maybe a little luck I’ll soon be able to join Usain Bolt (running fast), Mike Powell (jumping far) and Ashrita Furman (pogo sticking) at the world record top table, exalted company indeed!

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2. Record breaker
3. The need for speed