Red Yellow » cream crackers

By the power of Roy and Norris

Rich Gubby — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:39:04 +0000

As discussed in previous cream cracker World Record attempt posts, I want to be known as the fastest cream cracker eater in the west. And in the east too because if you can’t conquer both, you can’t be a world record holder.

I’ve been practicing for a while to get my technique right but attempt #1 went pretty badly. The last time I checked the record was at 47 seconds and I stopped the clock as it went sailing past the minute marker. I felt that not only had I let everyone else down, but I’d let myself down. I’d done a Greg Louganis and that elusive world record just seemed miles away.

But last night I thought I’d give it a last go before hanging up my boots (crackers).

And I only went and bloomin did it! 46.27 seconds. Eat that Ambrose Mendy. In. Your. Face.

Ok. So it wasn’t under test conditions, I hadn’t got lab technicians in white coats timing it to the exact split second and I probably had a trailing wind behind me, but it’s the first time in this attempt that I’ve gone below 50 seconds!

I think I’ve found my magic formula and I will be making another attempt tonight just to make sure that it wasn’t a fluke (or the stopwatch app on my phone isn’t dodgy).

Contact from Guinness

Rich Gubby — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:13:35 +0000

I heard back from Guinness today (the world record people not the ones who make that awful drink) (although they are probably the same)

After many months of waiting, my application to break the world record for eating cream crackers in the fastest possible time has been accepted. All I have to do now is fill in a form and the record attempt is on.

The rules are pretty simple, eat 3 Jacobs cream crackers as fast as you can. You must finish one before starting the other and you must have a man in a white lab coat with a clipboard to record the times.

The record stands at around 47 seconds (will update with the exact time later) and was set by someone called Ambrose Mendy a few years ago. From previous experience and training, this is definitely beat-able – at my peak I was down to 15 seconds each so I’ve got a 2 second window to play with.

There was suggestion in the office today that I could try bananas again, but even if I were to set that record, I’d be thinking of cream crackers, it really is the creme-de-la-creme of the eating record world.

With a lot of effort and maybe a little luck I’ll soon be able to join Usain Bolt (running fast), Mike Powell (jumping far) and Ashrita Furman (pogo sticking) at the world record top table, exalted company indeed!

Record breaker

Rich Gubby — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 11:07:19 +0000

I’ll make no bones about it, I want to be a record breaker and if Usain Bolt can do it, so can I.

I don’t know where this has all come from – maybe it stems from watching Roy Castle & Norris McWhirter on Record Breakers. They used to get a load of randoms (with the occasional celeb) in each week to break all sorts of records ranging from running the 100m backwards to knitting the worlds biggest blanket.

Perhaps it was when Kriss Akabusi took over from Roy…

I’ve met Kriss (although he probably won’t remember) – I’ve got a picture of him and me at school, presenting me with a badge for running 50 meters in 5 minutes, clearing 2 foot in the high jump or something else that I sucked at. He’s an athletics legend (my quiz team is named after him) and when he appeared on Childrens BBC, I was hooked.

I’ll admit that it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll break Usain Bolt’s 9.69 seconds for the 100 meters. Or his 19.30 for the 200m. Or perhaps any record that involves being really fast, being able to jump really high, be really strong, have super-human like endurance or anything that involves any effort.

Eat eat eat

But I think I’ve found an area I excel in. Eating fast.

And the great news is that there are records for eating things fast! Bananas, Ferrero Rocher (ambassador you are spoiling us) and the blue ribband event of them all – cream crackers.

I’ve tried cream crackers in the past and got down to almost world record pace. But when I found out that Ambrose Mendy had lowered the mark, I got bored and gave up. I’m willing to have another go though and this time I’m going to do it!

Failing that, ferrero rocher could be quite fun but I’ll definitely lay off the bananas as the last time I tried to eat those quickly I had stomach cramps for the next few hours.

I’m going to set myself a deadline of the end of the year to get a record then move onto something else. I’ve always wanted to go cheese rolling in Gloucestershire and want to run with the bulls at Pamplona. I also want to get my name in Wisden as one of the 5 cricketers of the year although I’m not sure if that one is do-able anymore.

This is a proper record break attempt so I’ll be posting regular training updates. I may even do split times of cracker 1, 2 and 3 although that might be a bit excessive and maybe a little bit OCD.