I’ll make no bones about it, I want to be a record breaker and if Usain Bolt can do it, so can I.
I don’t know where this has all come from – maybe it stems from watching Roy Castle & Norris McWhirter on Record Breakers. They used to get a load of randoms (with the occasional celeb) in each week to break all sorts of records ranging from running the 100m backwards to knitting the worlds biggest blanket.
Perhaps it was when Kriss Akabusi took over from Roy…
I’ve met Kriss (although he probably won’t remember) – I’ve got a picture of him and me at school, presenting me with a badge for running 50 meters in 5 minutes, clearing 2 foot in the high jump or something else that I sucked at. He’s an athletics legend (my quiz team is named after him) and when he appeared on Childrens BBC, I was hooked.
I’ll admit that it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll break Usain Bolt’s 9.69 seconds for the 100 meters. Or his 19.30 for the 200m. Or perhaps any record that involves being really fast, being able to jump really high, be really strong, have super-human like endurance or anything that involves any effort.
Eat eat eat
But I think I’ve found an area I excel in. Eating fast.
And the great news is that there are records for eating things fast! Bananas, Ferrero Rocher (ambassador you are spoiling us) and the blue ribband event of them all – cream crackers.
I’ve tried cream crackers in the past and got down to almost world record pace. But when I found out that Ambrose Mendy had lowered the mark, I got bored and gave up. I’m willing to have another go though and this time I’m going to do it!
Failing that, ferrero rocher could be quite fun but I’ll definitely lay off the bananas as the last time I tried to eat those quickly I had stomach cramps for the next few hours.
I’m going to set myself a deadline of the end of the year to get a record then move onto something else. I’ve always wanted to go cheese rolling in Gloucestershire and want to run with the bulls at Pamplona. I also want to get my name in Wisden as one of the 5 cricketers of the year although I’m not sure if that one is do-able anymore.
This is a proper record break attempt so I’ll be posting regular training updates. I may even do split times of cracker 1, 2 and 3 although that might be a bit excessive and maybe a little bit OCD.
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Tags: cream crackers, kriss akabusi
I ate six jaffa cakes in a minute (you have to clear and show mouth empty before moving on) thinking I had smashed the World Record of 4. A few weeks later I decided to look up the “official” record and some tosser has set it at six, about a WEEK before I did!
Dammit!